


The Weirdest Day

by flipflop_diva



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 20:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16291067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: One after another they came in, each one weirder than the last.





	The Weirdest Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spacecadet72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacecadet72/gifts).



“Oh, come on, man! You have to be kidding me, right? You’re arresting me for _this_?” The cute blonde girl looked enraged. 

No, wait. Not a cute blonde girl. A criminal. A deadly criminal.

Or at least a criminal.

“You were stealing money from charity,” Amy piped up.

“Like a whole fifty cents!” the cute blonde girl — no, no, no, the deadly criminal — complained, and she looked at Jake when she said it like he was going to defend her or something.

“More like two hundred dollars,” Amy said, and Jake couldn’t help but nod at that.

The blonde girl scowled. “This is so fucked up. Who even cares? It was for charity. I _need_ charity.”

“Tell it to a judge,” Amy said, and she walked away to let Jake lead the blonde girl to the lockup cell. 

“You’re really going to let her arrest me for this?” the blonde girl said as they walked. Jake pretended to ignore her.

“I know you’re listening to me,” the blonde girl said.

Jake looked at her then. “You were stealing from people trying to get donations for hurricane victims. That is a bit low, you know.”

The blonde girl shrugged. “So I’m a horrible person. Should I be arrested for that?”

This time Jake frowned at her. “Yes!” he said. “Yes, you should!”

•••

“Dude, am I being arrested? That’s so cool!”

Jake frowned at the newest arrestee sitting at his desk. What was it with the weirdos coming out tonight? This guy, though, he was going on Jake’s top ten list of weirdos. He was staring around the precinct like Christmas had come early and this was all he had on his list for Santa.

“Yes, you’re being arrested,” Jake said.

The guy’s eyes widened. “Is this for stealing that kid’s bike?” he asked, almost breathlessly.

“Yes, it is.”

“Dude, that’s so cool.”

Jake frowned. “What?” he said. “You wanted to be arrested?”

“Oh, I’ve been arrested before,” the guy said. “But never in New York! Just Florida. But now I’m double arrested. Two states! That’s so cool.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jake said, “Whatever you say.”

•••

“Am I being arrested? Oh my god, I can’t be being arrested. I’m being arrested. Oh my god. This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. Oh my god. What am I going to do? My thesis is ruined. My life is ruined. I’m being arrested. I can’t be being arrested. Oh, my god.”

Jake glanced over at Gina as he led weirdo number three over to his desk.

“Third one today,” Gina said, popping gum and staring at her phone. “I told you there is something in the air.”

“You told us it’s going to rain,” Rosa said, and she scowled at the sunny skies they could all see outside the precinct windows.

“It’s going to rain crazy people,” Gina said.

“That’s not what you said,” Rosa told her.

“Oh, Rosa,” Gina sighed, “you always do miss the point.”

Weirdo number three was still muttering to himself, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt up and then down, up and then down, and then reaching up to push his glasses further up the bridge of his nose and then bring them down again. Jake contemplated watching him to see how long he would keep it up, but no, that would just be boring.

“I should have picked the other one. I knew I should have picked the other one,” the weirdo was saying.

“You tried to steal a …” Jake glanced down at his notes. “ … ten thousand dollar bracelet.”

The weirdo looked up. “No,” he said. “No, no. No. It was supposed to be fake. A fake bracelet. That’s all. Just a fake. And I was just looking at it.”

“It was in your pocket.”

“I froze,” the weirdo said. “I froze. And my hand moved. And I grabbed it. And it’s all a blur. Oh my god. I’m getting arrested. I’m going to jail. I’m getting arrested and going to jail. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

Jake turned around at his desk. “Okay, Charles,” he said, “you’re going to have to take this one.”

•••

“Oh, dear me,” the newest arrested said. “I cannot sit on that chair.” She looked at the chair in front of Jake’s desk like it was going to jump up and bite her. “Do you know who I am?”

“Ummmm,” Jake looked down at his notes. 

“Kamilah Al-Jamir’s sister,” said Amy breathlessly, and Jake turned around startled. Where had she even come from?

“I am Tahani Al-Jamir!” the woman said indignantly. “And I demand to be treated with respect. And to see my lawyer! And to be let go back to my suite at the Ritz Carlton!”

“You punched a supermodel,” Jake said.

“She had it coming!”

“She probably did,” Amy said.

“During a fundraiser. And then you pushed her down the stairs.”

Tahani shrugged. “It happens,” she said.

“You’re still going to have to go to lockup,” Jake said. “The judge will see you in the morning for bonding.”

“This is scandalous!” Tahani said. “I am going to sue this city! And you!” She pointed at Jake. “I’m going to sue you!”

“Oh, he has no money,” Charles piped up. “Sue away.”

“It’s true!” Jake said.

Tahani huffed. “I’m going to sue all of you then!” she said.

•••

The white-haired man marched into the precinct like he was from a different world, his coat swooping around him and a curious expression on his face.

“This is just like ‘Law & Order’,” he said. “That is so cool!”

“Can I help you?” Gina asked. She was still popping gum and playing on her phone, but the white-haired man was leaning over her desk, staring around.

“Oh, yes,” the man said, as he straightened back up. “I am here to claim Eleanor Shellstrop, Chidi Anagonye, Tahani Al-Jamil and Jason Mendoza.”

“You know all those weirdos?” Jake couldn’t help the words escaping from his mouth.

The man didn’t look offended in the least. “Yes,” he said, almost proudly. “I do know all those weirdos.”

“Wow,” Amy said, “where are you from that you know them?”

“Oh, well.” The man smiled. “A good place,” he said. “We are from a good place. Can I see them now?”

“Sure,” Amy said, and she let Charles lead him out of the squad room and off to lockup.

“A good place,” Jake muttered as they disappeared. “What could that possibly mean?”

“Heck if I know,” Amy said, “but I do really want to know.”

“Me too,” Jake said. “Me too.”


End file.
